12.22.2012

Is it possible to love after 3 days??




 I woke up on day three and the first thing I did was check my phone.... He messaged me on FB! Butterflies..... Cartoon hearts. Smiles. Life is good. And Patrick is amazing......





Patrick: good morning.... :)

Me: Sup pimp

Patrick: lol... wow. not sure i've been called that since high school..... :)

Me: Ha. I like to be goofy. :) Did you sleep well?

Patrick:  i know!!! love it.... so i re-read all our IMs this am, cause i'm a dork, and i still want to have that drink, like in an hour or so.... :)

 Me: Cute. I re-read them last night when i was bored :)

 Patrick: going to the gym.... talk to you in a bit.... for god's sake figure out your schedule.... :)

Me: Ok. Ttyl :)

 Me: So I think when you are done working out, I will be at church.......... I'm thinking you should tell me all about yourself so I have a good read when I get out :) Send pages and pages and pages

Patrick: you crack me up.... ;0  i say we take all your facebooking time and turning into coffee or wine time..... :) your funny ass spartan race comments. "i'm in... .what is it?" lol and that was you in my amazing post earlier... just in case it wasn't obvious.... :)

 Me: You were my awesome people comment. And thank you! Also, i cracked up after i said i was in but had no clue what i was committing to. :)

 Patrick: ROFL... both are so sweet.... we will rock.... running in the mud, helping everyone over the obstacles... tough as hell, but we have 6 monts to get ready.....

Me: Im taking my mom shopping. So i may be occupied for a bit.. but type away! And im actually pretty stoked for some crazy obstacle type stuff. It will be insane!

Patrick: how about my translate fb time into face time.... cause, i was in sales, so i'm trying to find a nice alternative despite you full schedule! have fun with mom... i could drive you... i have four wheel drive.... LOL

Me: We will get face time fr sure! I like this now while im going into crazy work weeks. Dont misunderstand. I totally cant wait to get together. But i soooo dont want to do it while im rushing off to something else. Haha! So cute.... you will be my personal driver? :)

Patrick: that makes sense. i'm a bit relentless.... sometimes.... like this time..... i most definately would..... just for the record. this is all crazy.... crazy good.... :) i don't usualy offfer that service until year 2....

Me: I love this craziness 

Patrick:  i have not had this forever, or maybe ever? i am just so intrigued by you. I'm sorry if i come on to fast. it is just totally foreign.... i hope you don't mind that i weigh 400 lbs.... lol....

Me:  If you dont mind that i weigh 643 lbs. And have major acne all over my body. And my hair is kinda butch like. You totally arent coming on too fast at all!!!! I feel bad because i know how busy these next few weeks are and i dont want you to think i am blowing you off at all. Cuz i promise you i am not I am equally intrigued ;)

Patrick:  perfect.. 645 is my limit. the rest is just sweet.... i'll be patient, caused i'd rather have quality time. I'd like to call you, cause texting gets old... i know you are busy today.... any good day/time to get you?

Me: Patrick, you can call me anytime!  645 is your limit? Dangit, i better watch those last 2 lbs! Ha

Patrick: i've never gone that far, but you seem special, so i wanted you to be comfortable..

Me: Ha! You are so goofy. :) Tell me a story

Patrick:  i'll just call you... i wanted to but i'm so tired... but i can't sleep.... called you.... so i'll tell you one story. then nap time... happy story or life story? wow, bad grammer... grammar and spelling sleepy.... or i could tell you a story about old patrick.... or what happened to change me..... or new story patrick - which is more pg and limited in episodes.  i guess that is my story.... :) lol

Me: I want any story. Whatever you are compelled to tell me. I want to know all of it :) Its hard to focus on my day because i like thinking about you :)

Patrick: Is this typical for u? Cause I feel the same way and not typical for me... :) 

Me: Yes. Every guy i meet i am like this. Like all of the reps i deal with.... Lol j/k!

Patrick: Ok.... I thought it was just me Lol

Me: So not typical . Thats why i really enjoy this

Patrick: like we haven't even met and I feel more drawn to u than my x.... Lol Before she was my x

Me:  Thats awesome! This is what's so fun about life. So surprising

Patrick:  i say too much to you.... it so is.... and so much better than the last chapter i haven't had this sort of fun in quite some time. :)

Me: Why do you feel that you say too much????Ditto

Patrick:  cause i'm being pretty open with the fact that i feel like a 13 year old boy around you, we've never met and who knows ..... coming from a 7 year relationship that really wasn't healthy, this is crazy invigorating and a little overwhelming. especially since i seem to tell you almost everything I'm thinking and feeling... and i know it is not just the internet magic  and i haven't even seen your face but i would love to kiss it..... just a little kiss to start, but i find that crazy plus we have so much in common.... probably more than we know but definately some of the most important things, values, goals, desires for our life

Me: But what's so refreshing about that is that you arent being stupid and playing waiting games or being evasive. You are being real and I think thats so totally awesome and mature

Patrick: and since i just changed my life 190 and am getting used to it, it is a mazing to meet you....

Me: Dont you mean 180?

Patrick: yeah, that's new me... old me would not be like that.... and it's amazing that it works to just be open and not give a shit, but to just want to tell you who i am without being afraid. no... 190 it's more than 180 so what do you want to know? i'll keep going with this... like anything.

Me:  I want to know..like everything. Ok i have a question...

Patrick: i'd rather tell you over hours face to face and hear you as well.... i don't want to build a crazy intimacy over facebook, instead of real life. but i will tell you one anything right now..... :) perfect ask away

Me: I agree about face to face but i really dont mind getting to know you more this way also. Cuz i dont want to wait til it slows down to learn more about you... so my question is.... And dont sugar coat it.... How do you feel about God?

Patrick: God saved my life. you want that story?

Me: Yes!!!!!

Patrick: alright.... .it may take a minute..... so, i was born catholic, went to catholic school .... whole huge irish family is all about god.... me, not so much i was god i was athletic, popular, made money when i was older, had the world by it's balls.... i didn't dislike god, but i ddin't pray unless i was in the shit i didn't see him as someone who could help me personally he was just a dude in white on a cloud... watching. judging not bad, just irrelevant and i thought i was so amazing, that it didn't matter.... then the shit hit the fan. i got sick and almost died, figured out that i was really close to a drug and booze addict spent time in rehab, hospitals, sick all the time. then my family left me left me hard so hard. and it didn't seem like i should live anymore. that i could never get it all back.... then my cousin came to me and said, what is happening is you are in a state of god's grace..... i' i'm actually crying right now when i think of it. cause i really felt like god loved me for the first time... not in a general sense but like in a every fricking moment of my life sense and he would help me with everything when i turned to him and how he wanted me to do something better with my life. and so i did and i changed and it has been so hard, but so wonderful. i used to be that guy. and i'm so glad god let me move on to be me..... just me.... cause i read that when you go to heaven god will not ask why weren't you more like jesus? he'll ask why weren't you more like Patrick just to be you... and it is still hard. im not perfect, but my relationships are better, my health is better and i'm happier. and when i met you two days agao i know that was god's plan i'm not sure why but a girl who wants to help others, and is funny and kind, who talks about church.... you amaze me. and if your pictures are anything even reasonable to who you are today you are beautiful as well. it is really overwhelming

Me: That is a beautiful story! :))) and you actually brought me to tears. And i already knew that God's plan was for me to meet you. I figured that out yesterday and thanked him:)

Patrick: and i feel really blessed to have met you.... that is pretty crazy. cause i never had that before

Me: Neither have I.

Patrick: please understand i'm not perfect. i get god through spirituality... not church. i still have my demons.... but like i'm so happy to read your post above

Me: Your life somewhat mirrors mine. As you are telling me this , it is blowing me away.  I'm so blessed to know you, Patrick, you are amazing.... I truly admire you.... and how far you have come........

Patrick: cause it just hasn't ever happened. tell me. about you... wow. i'm shaking. i've told my story before, but not to a girl, a girl who i want to know. oh yeah, one more little things.... you know Stacy? i went out with her once like a week ago..... and i see we are mutual friends. we aren't going out again, but i thought you should know in case you are best friends or something.... just wanted to get that little one out of the way.
 i just didn't see it happening with her and frankly when i talked to you the first time - after one talk, i was like.... hmmm... stacy really doesn't have what i'm looking for.... so thank you for helping me see more clearly and preventing any hurt between stacy and i down the road... she didn't have what i was looking for. anyways, not a big deal. but i saw the mutual deal and didn't want to have that pop up later if something should develop.... :) back to you! unless we are doing follow up questions.... :)

Me: i am still processing all of everything you told me. I really appreciate you being so open :) So refreshing :))

Patrick:  i appreciate you making me feel comfortable about it. the whole thing

Me: i think you are pretty unique and am soooo happy that you found more peace in your life and have accepted God in the way that you did. Patrick..... you rock. thank you for trusting me enough to be so completely candid....:)seems that you really have been through alot and nothing makes me happier than to see people come out of their troubles with a positive outlook and want to make things better.... very admirable and touching

Patrick: it sounds like you had a similar life path? thank you

Me:  yes sir

Patrick: it has been powerful would you like to tell me about it?

Me: sure...... i really dont know where to begin. i dont want to be long winded. trying to gather my thoughts

Patrick:  at the beginning. i'm not going anywhere

Me:  here goes school years sucked. not many people were nice to me. high school was the worst. mr blanchard's players used to torment me and he would never do anything about it cuz those were his boys. i hated my life. i ws pretty chunky to top it off so that made school worse i got beat up by the lawrence sisters at school never got help from teachers fast forward tome getting preg. i lost all of my chunky weight and slept with the first guy who showed me attention. we were friends for a while but i had zero confidence. even when i lost my weight. used a condom , got preg and he took off met my first fiance he ws hard into drugs i wasnt he beat me . i stayed. that was for about 2 years i left. met rick. my 2nd fiance he was 49. i was 19, almost 20 crazy, right? we were together 6 1/2 years and he was decent but our difference in age made him insecure so i left him  i was insecure and wanted what he gave me. attention ha so. i left him and met my most devastating ex..  i fell for him hard head over heels crazy in love. or thats what i thought back then he was charming, attractive etc i later learned he was a calculated narcissist he destroyed me back then 3 years together and i thought this is the one but remember, i was stupid, naieve and insecure i found out he cheated on me the whole time....... but not only with women he was a sex addict we had crazy unheard of types of sex together but when i found out he was with another man i lost it literally i attacked him ripped his windshield wipers off his car i had superhuman strength he was slowly breaking me down for 3 years and i lost it i lost all sense of normalcy brought gina to kristina's house in brookfield and went back home to gb and took 500 tylenol with beer and went to bed hoping never to wake up i felt like ginawas better offwithout me i woke up the next morning with puke catapulting across the room i was so pissed that i woke up i puked all day and all the next day kristina told me to get to the hospital, cuz i finally told her what i did i didnt watn to go. i felt better but since i attacked kevin, i had a pending court date and she threatened to call the cops if i didnt go so i went my liver levels were supposed to be at 60. they were at 16,000 i was given 2 days to live i needed a transplant  but got refused one because of the circumstances crazy huh?

Patrick:  and then what

Me: so i sat there for 2 days, they sent the priest in to pray for me i had to assign power of attorney make arrangements for my daughter  and i relaized i wanted to live so i fought for my life and won walked out 2 days later with no medical setbacks and a perfect liver WOO HOO!

Patrick: grace of god

Me: yeah so i moved down to be with family. got into one more bad relationship . he destroyed my car , broke my arm, busted my nose. yada yada yada. got a few drunk drivings. still didnt learn my lesson i always felt sorry for myself and never accepted accountability after the last relationship i had MY aha moment turned everything around, started accepting accountability. stopped blaming others etc that's when I really found God and there you have it

Patrick:  sigh... tears..... i had the same liver failure... tried to kill myself with two 1.75's of vodka, 5 eight balls and all my pills.... so i know what that is like told you could die and finally realizing you don't want to.... people ldon't know what it is to live until they go that far. i am so sorry for your pain. and heartache and i love that you told me all of that. you break my heart and make me so happy for you now. it is amazing.

Me: No Patrick, dont be sorry. I am so grateful. Without it, I totally wouldnt be so humbled in life right now. I needed it to be who I am now

Patrick:  no, not sorry, but it sucks that we have to go through so much pain, even if it is the only way. like all the wise and spiritual in life, jesus, nelson mendela, on and on i just feel for you. but it is just a happy ending now.... which is all that matters. i think we should get married. :)

Me: ok lets do it! ha

Patrick: we are kindered souls... keep going.....

Me:  oh and I have been celibate for a few years. my choice.

Patrick:  your amazing.

Me:  im just me :)

Patrick:  :) that's all we need to be i guess! that is quite the story.

Me:  so you were into coke? i have never tried it. never plan on it either. is it as addicting as everyone says it is?

Patrick:  um, i was addicted to being crazy. i did so much coke, acid, shrooms, booze, weed, i was pretty much the record holder in all categories. whicih is hard to do in high school  and college and beyond. i was just an animal... only 1 percent of people become addicted to blow i never actually formed an addiction, to anything

Me:  addicted to being crazy. perfect analogy. that was so me

Patrick:  despite years and years of use... no, we are alike, just different coping mechanisms i did aa and understand how we use and why we use sex, drugs, power, our looks, strength i mean i just used whatever i had to to stay in control or out of control.... same thing. it was all about me.

Me: i really admire you :)

Patrick:  and i admire you. i really do.... i know what it takes i've heard your story from other women and i know what it takes to get out... not the same story, but you know what i mean

Me:  wow. I just told my whole life story to you in 2 days time. you have a spell on me. How did you do that? :P

Patrick:  what do you expect because something cool is going to happen with us. and it will supersede our bad habits. we are like the first chance at goodness with someone new at that is so thrilling

Me: something cool is already happening

Patrick: cause we don't have to hide anything...

Me: i used to hide everything from everyone i was so ashamed. now I'm like, this is who I was. I totally embrace it

Patrick: i get that... i ran half a fortune 500 company, went to thailand on vacation on a whim... on and on.... no one knew what a mess i was yep.... embrace it ... but embrace the potential of the future... cause all that shit didn't kill us, so it made us stronger, for us, since it was so bad, we are really fucking strong.... :) especcially if you got god on your side.

Me:  God is my peep!

Patrick:  it's too bad that not everyone knows that.... but even i forget from time to time..... i keep saying cliches, but it is such a journey... all i used to care about what the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.... i think we are totally aligned on the most important things.... and people change.... even me. and regardless, we are talking about spiritual growth, theory and god.... that is an interesting, promising first date...
 ok, now that we've made eachother cry and you know me better than many of my best friends.... actually, all my best friends.... now what

Me:  i guess this is it. nice knowing you!

Patrick:  LMAO.... so how about you? are you ready to start dating... namely me.... LOL

Me: This is crazy. All of this. Good crazy. But so crazy

Patrick:  well, when we meet, we'll either be like, WTF... or we'll probably become the greatest friends to ever fall in love.... those are my predictions.

Me: Yeah. Sounds about right :)

Patrick:  but clearly, we have found someone to talk about our lives with.... :)

Me:  I really have zero expectaions. Just enjoying whatever this is :)

Patrick:  that's smart... i still speculate a bit.... :) and if i heard you earlier, your past might suggest that slower is better for you.... pardon my constant flirting... :) i'm pretty harmless....

Me: No i dont think i ever said or insinuated that?

Patrick:  um, maybe i read into that with the hard and fast bfs of christmas past. sorry, not trying to mind read

Me: Im not a fragile girl. Im not scared of anything. Lol dont be sorry.... Well..... i am scared of some things in life. But we all are. But nothing scares or worries me about you

Patrick:  that is really sweet.... you have definitely found someone relatively stable... :)

Me: This is a scene from a movie . I cant wait to meet you.

Patrick:  you have no idea.... if i haven't mentioned that.... like every 10 minutes

Me: I have butterflies. Too soon? Oh well. Keeping it real

Patrick:  i think this is the time for butterflies. whatever happens i bet it is nice. you can't share all of this and feel some level of comfort after one beer/wine... :) i love your past, cause it shows in your present... and your present is totally beautiful to me. and i'll i've seen are some words on facebook so i'm dying to learn more.  cause like you

Me:  My mind is numb from all of this info given and received. Not a bad thing . Just alot is put out there. Never ever did something like this before. Very candid.

Patrick: it will be so amazing if the next step is more of the same.... :) and i think it will be, so i guess get ready for more numbing..... it's six.... let's go eat. i miss you already. you are amazing.

Me: Good idea. Enjoy din. :)

Patrick:  i don't care if i have to meet you for breakfast, lunch, dinner, midnight, whatever. just let me know.... cause i want more than this... i am just way to intrigued.... and i will call you later.... :)

Me: Ttys

Patrick: good night.... :) have a great day tomorrow!!! :)

Me: Thanks !!!! You as well :)

Patrick: your adorable. thatnks... sleep tight sweetie.... i do love your candor. and talking with you. and knowing you.

Me:  same here Night  :))))

Patrick:  until tomrorow... when we set another facebook / phone call record

Me: Looking forward to it :)

Patrick: i usually go to bed at 1030..... you have magical crack cocaine powers to keep me up.

Me: Nice :) im very flattered

Patrick:  :) night night....

Me:  Night :)

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